Try these tips for preparing your child for a new sibling
before and after the baby is born.

There’s a wealth of information available for parents about
bringing home a new baby, but what about when the new
baby isn’t your first? Although the arrival of a new sibling
brings joy and excitement, it can also jeopardize sibling’s
sense of security, leaving them angry and resentful of the
family’s newest addition. Consequently, in addition to
getting your home ready for a new baby, it’s important that
you also focus on preparing the rest of the family.
Before the Baby Is Born
It’s important to involve your child and keep routines as
normal as possible in the weeks before and after your
baby’s arrival. Try these tips:
Postpone your new-baby discussion until you’re
showing, and when you do have it, use a
calendar to mark the days, or talk about how the
baby will arrive in a particular season (when it’s
hot outside), or after an event (when school gets
out for the summer).
Involve siblings as much as they want (let their
questions be the guide).
Be concrete about what the new baby’s arrival
will be like: “Mommy will be very tired,” “The
baby will cry and sleep a lot.”
Invite older siblings to share pictures, stories,
and video of their newborn days. Kids love to
hear stories about what life was like when they
were a baby.
Avoid big transitions like changing caregivers,
moving to a big-girl/boy bed, potty training ,
getting rid of the pacifier or binky , starting
preschool, etc. If siblings must undergo these
changes because of the new baby, start them as
early as possible (at least several weeks
before), so a negative connection doesn’t
develop between the changes and the baby’s
arrival.
Prepare siblings for your absence during the
birth of the new baby (how long you will be
gone, where your child will stay). How you act
lets your child know how to feel. If you seem
sad or anxious, they will feel sad or anxious.
Use role-playing with dolls to talk about
feelings, adjustment, and what life will be like
with a new sibling (best for toddler siblings).
After the Baby Is Born
Allow siblings to visit you and meet the new baby soon after
he/she is born (in the hospital). This will help to reinforce
that it’s a special, family event. Of course, if you feel like
your child will be scared of the hospital setting (e.g., seeing
you in a robe or with an IV), let the big introduction wait
until you get home. A few more helpful hints:
Have big-brother/sister gifts waiting, from the
new baby, when they first meet him/her.
Don’t make comparisons (“he’s much calmer
than you were,” or “you cried a lot more.”)
Don’t be alarmed if siblings don’t express an
interest in the new baby. Sibling relationships
have a lifetime to develop.
Accept that some regression may occur; this is
normal. Baby your big-boy/girl for a while, if
that’s what he/she seems to need.
Remind visitors to pay attention to your older
kids and monitor gift-giving. It can be upsetting
for sibling to see all of the presents that the
newborn receives, especially when people don’t
bring something for them.
Try not to blame the baby for your new
limitations (“Mommy can’t play with you now
because I have to feed the baby,” or “Mommy
needs to change the baby, so you need to read
to yourself.”). Blaming new babies for decreased
time spent with you breeds sibling resentment.
Instead, involve siblings in child care as
helpers.
Create opportunities for older siblings to be
participants and not competitors (e.g., getting a
diaper ready, reading the baby a story, pushing
the carriage).
Remind siblings of the things they can do
because they are older (e.g., eating food,
playing with toys, going to the playground).
Remember to give siblings private time with you
and reinforce the idea that many of the things
they are able to help out with (e.g., errand
running, meal preparation, etc.), are because of
their advanced abilities.
What If Problems Arise?
Research shows that a child’s developmental stage affects
their adjustment to new siblings. Children 2 years of age
and under have more difficulty because they still have
strong needs for parents’ time and closeness. Stress on the
family also makes children’s adjustment harder.
Remember, even the most well-meaning siblings can play
too rough or hug too hard in the beginning, so show them
how to play gently with their new sibling. Focus on the
positive behaviors your child shows to her new sibling (“I
like the way you stroked the baby’s leg.”). Most
importantly, don’t despair. The first few months are a big
adjustment for everyone.